Revenge *can* be as sweet as victory!!
by sensor girl
Summary: well...um...hey everyone this is my first story. in response to gambitisminedammits challenge. P.S. sorry for any typos! please R/R


I propose a challenge to all you fanfic writers out there…

I propose a challenge to all you fanfic writers out there…  
The challenge is to write a fic with the following criteria:  
-At least 2 X-Men get drunk  
-someone touches Rogue  
-someone complains about someone's odor  
-someone dies  
-someone uses a narcotic drug (I.E. crack, heroin, marijuana…)  
-solve world hunger somehow (no mary-sue's)  
-and it must be damn funny.

Disclaimer: reasons why you shouldn't sue me.

1)I ain't got no money

2)I will openly admit that all characters in this story are not mine (though I did borrow them)

3)This was all meant for fun! So enjoy the story!

REVENGE **CAN** BE THE SAME AS VICTORY!!

"mails here!!!" called jubilee. The x-men came running/flying/jumping/hovering/walking/falling/tripping/high sticking, ect. Over to jubilee who held there precious mail. " okay this ones for, drake, this ones for jean, this is storms, gambit, wolvie, beast, rogue, jean, sam, me and this ones for the whole team?"

"I"ll look at that first, jubilee." Said the prof. Jubes shrugged and handed it over and kept handing out the rest of the mail. Prof X read the contence of the formally addressed letter and frowned. He looked over to wolverine and gambit with a worried expression, then looked back at the letter.

"what does it say, professor?" asked scott, because he was unpopular and didn't get any mail.

"well….um…is the whole team here? Including gambit an wolverine?"

"yes, proffesor."

"okay…then…ahem, it's a letter fromjoe Q and it said…" he looked up at the x-men's 'get-on-with-it' faces "well…it said…*cough* nosmokingforanyofyouatall *cough*" he looked again at the x-men who were still trying to figure out what he had said. They all looked expectantly at beast.

"you heard the professor…nosmokingforanyofyouatall."

"OH AH THINK AH GOT IT!!!" cried rogue. the x-men stared at her "he said two tokens for any food at all!"

"no that's not it! He said no locust in the cornfield this fall!"

"It'ought he saidnew episodes of de kids in de hall."

"we have kids in the hall?!"

" EVERYONE QUIET!!" the noise stopped suddenly and they all stared at the professor. "gambit, wolverine, could you join me in my study, please." They followed the prof into his study.

"so what did ya'll say beast?"

"I didn't want to say it with them around but what I said was 'no smoking for any of you at all"

"so this means that gambit and wolverine are forbidden to smoke at all."

"that wouls be correct storm."

"were in trouble!" just then….

"NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" sounded throught the halls followed by the slaming of a door. And then…

"WHATDDA YA MEAN 'NO SMOKIN'???!!!! I'LL KILL JOE Q FER THIS ONE!!" and then they saw wolvie marching through the living room and out the door.

"they took that surprisingly well" commented bobby.

"oh well, I have world hunger to solve! I'm off to my lab!"

"I'm sure we've all got better things to do too" *crickets chirp*

"BYE" they all scattered throughout the mansion.

(somewhere outside the mansion)

"ya got it sam?"

"ah think so, hang on!"

"Robert! Are you using Samuel to go get the Frisbee you ans jubilee threw on the roof? Angain?" storm shot him a disappointed look.

" no. this time it was a tennis ball! Aren't you supposed to be trying to get gambit outta his room?"

"rogue said she would handle it. I really think the writers have driven him over the edge this time. First Antarctica, now this!"

"ah got it!! Ah got it!!!" just then the ladder he was using fell "crap! What now?"

(somewhere in the mansion) 

"come on, sugah. If'n ya'll come outta there I'll show ya where logan hides his beer!"

"but…"

"but what? Jo—that evil writer didn't ban you from drinkin' now did he?"

"not yet. Ya promise?"

"uh-huh"

"….kay."

(somewhere else in the mansion)

"must…solve…world…hunger!"

"hey beast"

"oh hello logan, you've returned I see. What, may I ask is in the potato sack?"

"I'll tell ya in a second. Can ya help me carry this downstairs, y'know to the basement? I got a great plan to get back at 'ol high an' mighty joe Q"

"I'm sorry, my friend, but I made a vow to myself not to move until world hunger is solved!"

"*sigh* let me see that. No, ya got this all upsidedown and backwords! Hand me that pencil!." Logan quickly made afew small adjustments and handed it back to beast.

"no, logan this is all….completely….OH MY GOD WOLVERINE JUST SOLVED WORLD HUNGER!!! OH … MY… GOD!! THE HUMANITY!!!"

"you done, this cant wait forever."

"alright, but only if you promise never to solve world hunger again!"

"you got yourself a deal"

(somewhere else in the mansion)

"how'd ya figure out where wolverines beer is?"

"that last time ah touched him, ah absorbed amomory of him commin down here. Any way here we…PROFESSUH?"

"oh, hello. Rogue, gambit." He said hiding a beer in his hooverchair. Unsuccessfully.

"please tell me dat ya left some fo' me!!"

"oh of course there's plenty! Why don't the two of you join me In a cold one?"

"ya'll had ta ask 'im?"

"WHATTA YA MEAN DERE'S ONLY CANADIANBEER!!!"but none the less he opened a beer.

"nicotine withdrawl?"

"big time"

"ARE YOU TWO STILL TALKIN'?" he yelled already on his third.

"gambit's right! Less talk, more beer!"

"ah'll leave you two alone" as she slowly backed away

(somewhere outside the mansion)

"well can't ya'll just put the ladder back up?"

"that's a pretty good idea" bobby and jubilee started to put the ladder back up, but realized they weren't successful when the ladder started to fall apart.

"okay, let's try a different plan"

"oh! I know! I know! I know!"

"yes jubilation."

"sam can just jump down!"  
  
"WHAT?"

"not a bad idea"

"AH AM NOT JUMPIN' OFF THE TOP OF A FIVE STORY BUIDIN'. GET ANOTHER PLAN!"

"no sam, hear this one out! We can get something for you to land in, and, and storm can soften your fall…"

(somewhere else in the mansion)

"jean, did you hear that?"

"no"

"I'm gonna go check it out. I think it came from the basement."

"you do that"

(somewhere else in the mansion)

" an ya know what elshth?"

"no what?"

"I jushth' don't t'ink dey get it!"

"who doeshn't get what?"

"who?"

"I think it was shthcott."

"ya know what goeshth great wit' beer?"

"cigarettes"

"……..I hate you!!"

(somewhere else on the mansion)

"hello anyone down here?"

"over here cyke. Were gonna let you in on somethin'"

(somewhere outside the mansion)

"okay sam here's the plan. You walk up to the edge, set yourself up and then jump into the garbage disposal."

"ah don't like this one bit!"

"you at the edge?"

"yup"

"you got the tennis ball?"

"nooooo, why would ah have the tennis ball, when it would be so much more fun to just not bring it down? Then we could repeat this whole thing over again! Doesn't that sound like fun?"

"not really, but if you mean it.."

"AH WAS BEIN' SARCASTIC YOU DOLT!"

"woah, touchy touchy!"

"here goes nothin'. AAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!" *smack*

"Samuel are you alright??"

"did you get the ball?"

"HERE! TAKE IT!!"

"alright we can play again!"

"are you alright?"

"ah think ah might be better than alright."

"who do you say that?"

"cause ah just found some perfectly good crack in here!"

"good work sam!"

(somewhere in the mansion)

"okay rogue, go round up all the others. It's pay back time."

(a little later)

"everyone here?"

"were here, gambit and the professor are here."

"you take dat back, mon ami!!!"

"…okay. Bobby and jubilee made it down here, and are curenly playing a game of Frisbee? You two stop that right now! Jean, rogue and beast are here. Where's sam and ororo?"

"by the bright lady! I can fly!"

"there they are. Oh my god, sam what happened to you? You smell like…like"

"a garbage disposal?"

"well…yes."

"yeah….he kinda jumped into one."

"I won't ask. Okay I want everyone to look here. Now if I understand correctly, you all want revenge on a certain joe Q"

"dat's not his name!!! His names de mean bastard, evil…um…yeah!"

"…okay. Anyway, what we present to you here…..is our revenge! Show them logan." Logan lifts a sheet off of 'their revenge'.

"genius!!!"

"oh, this is gonna be good!"

"wow. The rooms glowin'! ah can see it!!"

"let's go for it!!"

"yeah lets get dat evil bastard…guy!"

"you mean to tell me that you actually kidnapped joe Q?"

"okay everyone he's all ours!! Get 'em!!!" all the x-men charged at joe Q, trying to kill him as quickly as possible.

"he ain't dyin!!! Remy stab 'im with that bottle afew times!!"

"it didn't work!!! Shoot it!!!"

"that didn't work either!!"

"mind if we step in?"

"who? Magneto??!!"

"and sinister"

"and …and….that's it."

"no we don't mind. The more the marrier." After afew hours of trying to kill joe Q they finally gave up. Bobby and jubilee resumed there game of Frisbee.

"I give up!! This guy's indestructible!!"

"maybe if we threw 'em in the river?"

"we tried dat"

"poison?"

"tried it"

"rogue"

"ah absorbed as much as a could!"

"I guess were just gonna have to live with joe Q a little longer."

"HEADSUP!!!" *smack*

"oh my god you hit joe Q!"

"I think he's dead!"

"I won't exept it unless I have the word of three medical professionals."

"I do believe he's dead"

"as do I"

"yep. He's definitely dead."

"cicilia reyes? When did you show up?"

"sometime between the time you started and now."

"oh well, then yes!!!!! Joe Q is dead!!"

"YAY!!!"

"ya mean all we had to do was throw a Frisbee at him?"

THE END!!! or is it? Maybe joe Q wasn't dead! Or was he? Or maybe he's only marvel dead! Mwahahahahahahahhahahh!!!


End file.
